someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
