? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
