so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
