just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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