put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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