Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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