I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
