Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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