I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize