I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
