I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
