my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
