woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
