I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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