Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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