I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize