Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize