I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
