I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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