literally had 100 drinks last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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