Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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