I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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