I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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