I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize