If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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