He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
