oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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