***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
