I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
