I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
did i walk over a car last night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
