when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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