you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
