I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
