I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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