I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
