the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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