I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
