Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
