i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
