i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I checked into jail on foursquare
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
