I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize