Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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