Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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