drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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