does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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