So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
