i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
