Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
