I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
