Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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