I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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