True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
