a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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