Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
