A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
