The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
