Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
