You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
