32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize