My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
