Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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