Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
