You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
