my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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