Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
