Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
