Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
