she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
