i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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