Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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