it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
love makes seman taste better
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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